Republican
The Republican Party is a party whose main goal is to abolish slavery. BOTH sides are bad, but Republicans arent as bad as liberals so vote for them. History Beginnings The Republican Party was started by Aberham Lincoln in an attempt to stop the racist democrats from trying to inslave Blacks. As a result the dems declared war on America. America won but sadly that wasnt the end of the democrat party. They killed Lincoln and then inpeached his successor Andrew Johnson in order to gain back some power. They also founded the KKK and continued to try to be allowed to win seats, thanks to the sheeple who kept voting them in. This included the most evil man of all time Woodrow Wilson, who did his best to ruin America so much even the Republicans couldnt fix it. After the democrats made us have the Great Depression, they were able to install the tyrant Franklin D. Roosevelt who siezed power and then ACORN rigged the elections to vote him in four times. For decades the democrats continued to run on a platform of racism and spending, while the Republicans tried to teach fiscal responsiblity and freedom. The two parties went back and forth for many years until it seemed like the democrats finally were gone forever thanks to the horrible admisteration of Jimmy Carter. America elected a true MAN by the name of Ronald Reagan and as soon as he was inaugrated his brilliance blinded the entire worlds eyes. In hours he was able to erase everything Carter had done. Iran released there hostages out of pure fear of this straight red-blooded American REPUBLICAN MAN. The Reagan Years As soon as Reagan got to Washington he made it known that it was time for America to be great again. This meant that it was time for Americans to stop worrying about handouts and grants and start earning there way by working hard. In good time we were all able to increase are incomes thanks to these lessons and the lesson of trickle down economics. With these policies and with his handsome (I am NOT gay) Hollwood leading man style, Reagan was tailor made to be THE embodyment of a Republican. The democrats tried to stop him but they were literally the Cleveland Browns, loosing every time and making themselfs look more and more worser. They even ran Jesse Jackson for President! All this did was make people love Reagan even more. He soon became the greatest and most powerful man in the history of Earth, and are Messiah. When the USSR tried to get out of line Reagan said "Hey! Soviet Union! Shut up." and they backed down and decided to dissolve. Reagan decided to go into retirement after his second term, and that's when the Republican party faced its greatest crisis ever. Post-Reagan In the 1988 election there werent a lot of great choices, there was George HW Bush, Pat Buchanan, and other libs in Republican clothing. We were forced to elect Bush and like a true lib he raised taxes. This aleinated enough of the base that they voted for Perot in 1992, which allowed Bill Clinton to win the presidency. During this time the Republican party was able to grow strong due to Clintons affairs and his extreme leftist agenda such as Wellfare reform, so we were able to elect George W. Bush in a landslide in 2000 (with special thanks to Kathryn Harris) and win a majority of the seats and a majority of American hearts. However due to ACORN and White Guilt and the fact that a bunch of people thought Barack Obama was the messiah, the Republicans fell out of power and since then most of there support has gone to the Independents, who are also Republicans. The Resurrection It appears that the Republicans will soon rise from the dead as America has shown that they do NOT want are country to be in the hands of a dam socialist and they want a true PATROIT in charge. Right now REAL Americans are MAD. Is one man going to destroy everything we built over the last 200 and whatever years? Well Ive been to quite a few tea parties and the answer we agreed on is NO. We must honor the words of Thomas Jefferson who said that a revolution every once in a while is a good thing, and that means that we need to put the Republicans back in charge because thats what a revolution is. Positions Abortion There is no decision in the history of the Supreme Court more vile then the Roe v. Wade majority arthured by Harry Blackmun. Roe v. Wade MUST be overturned, because abortion is murder. Taxes Taxes are bad, mmkay? We need to have lower taxes for the rich, or else they will stop being rich because they wont want to pay taxes, and then America will fall apart. Lets cut government spending and instead fill more American pockets with money which will help the economy by letting us do more spending. Adam Smith economics guarantee that the invisible hand will guide us to prosperity. Immigration Get these immigrants the hell out of are country. Its sickening that its so easy for these guys to cross the border. Give ICE the power so that they can spot these guys coming over in there van, burn it, and if there are any survivors deport them back to Mexico. Torture First of all waterboreding is NOT torture. Poking someone with sharp sticks like they did to John Mccain was torture. Pouring a little water on someone? Frat boy pranks and hazing at the most. We used to do that at sleepovers for God sake. However, Republicans know that torture is necessary to defeat terrorism, so even if we did torture so what, you have to do that kind of thing to find out where the ticking time bomb is, which is a really good argument. Then we can mail the bomb back to those terrorists in Abu Dhabi like Garfield mailing Nermal. When these suicide bombers open the package and are blown up by there own bomb the irony will be delicious. War We need to go to war all the time. I am NOT going to listen to some peaceniks song and dance about how we need to respect other countries. These people WANT TO KILL US, and thats wrong. And thats why I want to kill them so bad, and why we need to turn them into a glass.parking.lot.NOW. I am referring to any other country in the world besides Isreal. Kill them all and let God sort it out. Education Homescholing needs to be expanded. We need to tie learning to family values and patroitism. Lets get some vouchers for private schools also. Abolish the Department of Education because public schools make inlightenment and true education inpossible to obtain by teaching such things as evolution instead of real things like prayer and Intelligent Design. NOT cool. Edgy libs may believe in crap like "the big bang" because there just going along with the crowd and they think God is "lame", but theyll find out when rapture comes that they were WAY off, when all-loving God leaves them to burn in the everlasting lake of fire for believing in observable fact instead of having blind faith. The only big bang they will get is when there raped by Satan.